So I'm Kinda a Big Deal

So there I was...rushing through my lunch hour with mindless tasks. Take the dog out. Wash the sheets. Catch up on emails. Actually eat something. Get gas on the way back to the office. I get out of my car and this guy comes up and introduces himself. Long story short-he's from the Daily Herald and wants to ask me how I feel about gas prices going up.
How do I feel about gas prices? They suck. It's a necessary evil and everyone who is out there trying to make it gets sucked into the gas/oil price BS. Because that's basically what it is. A game. Living in Crook...I mean Cook County, everything is hiked up. Gas prices, food prices, property taxes. Did I answer his question this accurately? No. I said something about how gas prices are increased just for Summertime so they can make more money.
Have no clue where that came from, but then again with the exception of my three job interviews in my life, I've never been interviewed for anything- so I kinda froze.
Was this a day where I was cutely dressed and looked like I had everything together...uh no.
I look like I woke up 30 minutes late and picked up the first thing I could think of to wear and ran out the door.
Oh well, Hopefully my 2 minutes of fame doesn't make me look like that big of a stooge. :)

Here's the Link to the story....enjoy!

Do I Have To Open a Book in Nursing School?

So I am a little over half way through Nursing School.
Now for anyone who knows me- knows that school was my thing. I graduated High School a year early, never got anything less than a B in any class and was considered super "smart"
Here's the secret- I never opened a book. Never studied a thing and pretty much understood and Aced everything. I know blah blah blah.
Well when I got to nursing school, I once again never opened a book. I did however, accept the fact that between working full time, being a full time mom and wife, and a full time student- my nothing less than a B track record would not continue. Mostly because when I was in High School, thoughts like "what should I make for dinner?" "Do I have a coupon for dog food?" "Is the dog happy in his life in our house?" "Is Liv growing up happy?" "When was the last time I scrubbed the shower?"  were not racing through my head while trying to take notes and listen to a lecture. 
I learned and accepted that  "C's get degrees" and while I could bust my ass, spend all my time studying (to make up for my lack of focus in class), and probably Ace everything- spending time with my family or having clean laundry became a little more important. 
Does this mean that I will be a shitty nurse? Absolutely not because when I am a nurse no one is going to ask me what microorganism has the smallest cell wall?
How am I going to know you have TB? I will look at the Chest Xray and the radiologist will tell me! I won't have to know that the Bacilli enter the lung and form a tubercle and Caseous Necrosis happens, what I will have to know is how to explain to you that your loved one is dying or how changing your diet will improve your Type 2 Diabetes. Why? Because I have been there, done it. I have worked in healthcare for over 6 years. I've seen it all, smelled it all, and cleaned up after it all.

Right after I got my CNA- Note to self, White Scrubs suck!!!

My first job in healthcare was working as a PCT, or a nurse's aide. And the experience that I gained was unbelievable. I really think anyone who goes into nursing should have to do at least 6 monthes as a tech. Actually, the best nurses were those who started off as PCTs because they knew what it was like. They didn't just pass meds and chart for the next 7 hours, they were in there with their patients, hanging out, taking care of them. As a PCT (or CNA) You get the worst jobs, the worst pay, BUT you get to spend the most time with the patients. And when everything is said and done that's what nursing is about.
No patient is going to care about how I did on my Statistics Final or if I was on the Honor Roll every single semester- He's going to care if I have his best interest at heart and if I am qualified (in more way than one) to save him. And that's what I keep telling myself over and over, to make nursing school a little more bareable!!!

Why Having a Daughter Has Increased My Self Esteem...

Adorable bald baby

I remember being pregnant and thinking, "It's a boy. It's gotta be a boy, I don't do hair or makeup or anything of those things. How can I raise a girl??" My mother kept telling me, It's a girl, and sure enough it was. From the day she was born Olivia Rose has completely turned my world upside down. Instantly everything in sight was pink or purple! Mostly because she bald until she was two so we had to put her in "girl" colors- otherwise people would say, "what a beautiful baby boy" Now that she's six, I can totally tell how the world pushes girls to be girls and boys to be boys.
For example, this morning she literally bawled her eyes out before school because "her hair was ugly". My daughter is beautiful. (And I'm not just saying this because I'm her mom) Gorgeous wavy brown hair, olive skin, beautiful brown eyes....and she thinks she's ugly. Once things had settled down, and we were in the car on the way to school. I started crying.
"Mommy, are you crying?", said the little tiny voice from the backseat.
"Yes Olivia I am."
"Why?"

Pre-School Picture

"Because I don't understand how someone so tiny and gorgeous could possibly think she is ugly and it makes me sad"
And then the floodgates opened, "Suzie told me that my hair is ugly" "Jose told me I'm funny looking" "I don't have hair like Jessica"
I couldn't feel anything except failure. She actually considered what the little monsters at school had to say. It was my job as her mother to prepare her for this, make sure she understood that it doesn't matter what anyone says and I failed miserably. And then the same thought kept popping in my head..."She's 6!!!" She is too young for this, she should be worried about what happens when blue and green get mixed together, not what she wearing or how her hair looks. I think deep down I just wanted to hold onto my baby and her innocence a little while longer but here the real world was knocking down our door. I had to face the fact that as a girl, society shoves it down our throats to be a certain way.
The reality is, she is six, and she is a girl and the world is going to throw all kinds of crazy shit her way, and I can't protect her forever. But I can prepare her. I pulled the car over and looked her in the eyes and said "Olivia, beauty is what is inside your heart. Not what your hair looks like. Who cares what other people have to say you are amazing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Pinky promise?" And she smiled and pinky promised.

Olivia @ one of Auntie Moppsie's Race

I thought it was a good pep talk, and she was happy with it. But I couldn't help but think afterwards what I could do to make her believe what I had said. Everyone knows your mom can tell you something over and over and until you figure it out for yourself, you are never gonna listen. Case and point- my mother has told me my whole life how nice I look in red, and to this day- I own nothing red.

So then I thought maybe it's the Monster High dolls and Barbies she plays with. Maybe they are making her think she has to look or act a certain way. So then what do I do? Take them all away. Not let her play with them? I don't think so. Sheltering her from this is not going to save her. First of all, it's everywhere. Commercials, TV Shows, Billboards, Magazines, Stores.....you can't go anywhere without society shoving down your throat what the idea of "beautiful" is. And if I shelter her from it, it's just going to become a major problem later on.

Catching Lots of Daddy's Fish

OK, so here's another thought that popped in my head. My husband and I have a very eclectic and awesome group of friends and family. All of the woman in Olivia's life are strong, independent, smart girls. I mean my sister in law, Moppsie (she has a real name but it's so much more fun calling her by her childhood nickname), is a Race Car driver for Christ's sake. How much cooler of an aunt can you get?  And Olivia and I have had conversations before...."Mom I can't play with that it's for boys" And I always say the same thing..."Liv, do you think Auntie Moppsie said she couldn't race cars because they are for boys?"  And she agrees with me and plays with whatever it was. My hubby is really good about buying her superhero shirts and Army Men to play with- because he refuses to play into the "sexiest bullshit" as he calls it. He takes her fishing and always makes sure she knows she doesn't always have to be a "princess".  And my brother watches Justice League and IronMan with her. So I will say this- she is growing up with a lot of outside positive influences that push her into things that society would label as "boyish". But is that enough? Are all of those things letting her know it's better than ok to be you, and not whatever else wants you to be.
And then it hit me- lead by example- take your own advice stupid. Any woman reading this right now knows how hard it is to feel beautiful. Society tells all the time we have to look like supermodels, have the right hair, nail color, eyebrow shape, perfect makeup, nice boobs, nice butt, have a certain BMI, have the perfect career, blah blah blah....thinking about it just makes me tired. And to be honest, I never felt beautiful until I was about 21/22. I always thought I was too fat, ugly face, not funny enough, not graceful enough. Even now I still think "god I have to lose 40 lbs or I'll be the laughing stock of the world" So how can I tell my daughter that beauty is from within, when even I don't always feel pretty?  My plan? Make myself feel pretty. Look in the mirror and say, "holy shit woman you are gorgeous!" Surround myself with positive people, who don't judge me by my jean size. Luckily I have married a man, who besides one time when I was drunk and hugging the toilet, has never once called me anything short of stunning. Instead of freaking out that a hair is out of place or that my jeans make my butt look big. Embrace my curves and love who I am. All of these things easier said than done, However, lucky for me, god has blessed me with a beautiful baby girl to be a role model to- so failure is not an option. 

Beautiful Girls On My Wedding Day :)