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| Adorable bald baby |
I remember being pregnant and thinking, "It's a boy. It's gotta be a boy, I don't do hair or makeup or anything of those things. How can I raise a girl??" My mother kept telling me, It's a girl, and sure enough it was. From the day she was born Olivia Rose has completely turned my world upside down. Instantly everything in sight was pink or purple! Mostly because she bald until she was two so we had to put her in "girl" colors- otherwise people would say, "what a beautiful baby boy" Now that she's six, I can totally tell how the world pushes girls to be girls and boys to be boys.
For example, this morning she literally bawled her eyes out before school because "her hair was ugly". My daughter is beautiful. (And I'm not just saying this because I'm her mom) Gorgeous wavy brown hair, olive skin, beautiful brown eyes....and she thinks she's ugly. Once things had settled down, and we were in the car on the way to school. I started crying.
"Mommy, are you crying?", said the little tiny voice from the backseat.
"Yes Olivia I am."
"Why?"
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| Pre-School Picture |
"Because I don't understand how someone so tiny and gorgeous could possibly think she is ugly and it makes me sad"
And then the floodgates opened, "Suzie told me that my hair is ugly" "Jose told me I'm funny looking" "I don't have hair like Jessica"
I couldn't feel anything except failure. She actually considered what the little monsters at school had to say. It was my job as her mother to prepare her for this, make sure she understood that it doesn't matter what anyone says and I failed miserably. And then the same thought kept popping in my head..."She's 6!!!" She is too young for this, she should be worried about what happens when blue and green get mixed together, not what she wearing or how her hair looks. I think deep down I just wanted to hold onto my baby and her innocence a little while longer but here the real world was knocking down our door. I had to face the fact that as a girl, society shoves it down our throats to be a certain way.
The reality is, she is six, and she is a girl and the world is going to throw all kinds of crazy shit her way, and I can't protect her forever. But I can prepare her. I pulled the car over and looked her in the eyes and said "Olivia, beauty is what is inside your heart. Not what your hair looks like. Who cares what other people have to say you are amazing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Pinky promise?" And she smiled and pinky promised.
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| Olivia @ one of Auntie Moppsie's Race |
I thought it was a good pep talk, and she was happy with it. But I couldn't help but think afterwards what I could do to make her believe what I had said. Everyone knows your mom can tell you something over and over and until you figure it out for yourself, you are never gonna listen. Case and point- my mother has told me my whole life how nice I look in red, and to this day- I own nothing red.
So then I thought maybe it's the Monster High dolls and Barbies she plays with. Maybe they are making her think she has to look or act a certain way. So then what do I do? Take them all away. Not let her play with them? I don't think so. Sheltering her from this is not going to save her. First of all, it's everywhere. Commercials, TV Shows, Billboards, Magazines, Stores.....you can't go anywhere without society shoving down your throat what the idea of "beautiful" is. And if I shelter her from it, it's just going to become a major problem later on.
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| Catching Lots of Daddy's Fish |
OK, so here's another thought that popped in my head. My husband and I have a very eclectic and awesome group of friends and family. All of the woman in Olivia's life are strong, independent, smart girls. I mean my sister in law, Moppsie (she has a real name but it's so much more fun calling her by her childhood nickname), is a Race Car driver for Christ's sake. How much cooler of an aunt can you get? And Olivia and I have had conversations before...."Mom I can't play with that it's for boys" And I always say the same thing..."Liv, do you think Auntie Moppsie said she couldn't race cars because they are for boys?" And she agrees with me and plays with whatever it was. My hubby is really good about buying her superhero shirts and Army Men to play with- because he refuses to play into the "sexiest bullshit" as he calls it. He takes her fishing and always makes sure she knows she doesn't always have to be a "princess". And my brother watches Justice League and IronMan with her. So I will say this- she is growing up with a lot of outside positive influences that push her into things that society would label as "boyish". But is that enough? Are all of those things letting her know it's better than ok to be you, and not whatever else wants you to be.
And then it hit me- lead by example- take your own advice stupid. Any
woman reading this right now knows how hard it is to feel beautiful.
Society tells all the time we have to look like supermodels, have the
right hair, nail color, eyebrow shape, perfect makeup, nice boobs, nice
butt, have a certain BMI, have the perfect career, blah blah
blah....thinking about it just makes me tired. And to be honest, I never
felt beautiful until I was about 21/22. I always thought I was too fat,
ugly face, not funny enough, not graceful enough. Even now I still
think "god I have to lose 40 lbs or I'll be the laughing stock of the
world" So how can I tell my daughter that beauty is from within, when
even I don't always feel pretty? My plan? Make myself feel pretty. Look
in the mirror and say, "holy shit woman you are gorgeous!" Surround
myself with positive people, who don't judge me by my jean size. Luckily
I have married a man, who besides one time when I was drunk and hugging
the toilet, has never once called me anything short of stunning.
Instead of freaking out that a hair is out of place or that my jeans
make my butt look big. Embrace my curves and love who I am. All of these
things easier said than done, However, lucky for me, god has blessed me
with a beautiful baby girl to be a role model to- so failure is not an
option.
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| Beautiful Girls On My Wedding Day :) |
